


Defining Human

by Macx



Series: Imperfection Deviation [13]
Category: Transformers (Bay Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-02-13 17:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2159172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Macx/pseuds/Macx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What means 'human'? Will Lennox doesn't know. Is he still human? Is he something else?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Defining Human

_He was trapped._

_His arms and legs didn't move. They were heavy... somehow alien to him. He couldn't twitch a finger and he couldn't even feel them anymore. He saw his arms, his fingers, his legs, but they weren't his._

_His heart beat._

_No... it didn't..._

_Listening very hard, trying to feel his heartbeat, he couldn't... no heartbeat. He was dead._

_But he was also alive!_

_His mind gasped, though there was no sound coming over his lips. Everything was suddenly coming toward him and he couldn't move. He was trapped, unable to run, unable to cry, unable to..._

 

 

Will woke with a start, his eyes flying open, staring into the darkness. For a fleeting moment he was close to panicking as he couldn't see anything but the blackness, then his eyes adjusted and he made out the faint shapes all around him. He heard sounds, though dimmed through the walls and the partially open window.

He inhaled deeply, trying to banish the nightmare, but its memory stuck to him. It hadn't been the worst of his collection of accumulated nightmares lately, but it had been bad enough. Holding up a hand, Lennox studied it in the twilight of the room.

Five fingers.

Skin.

Finger nails.

He curled it into a fist, feeling his fingers move.

He drew the finger of one hand over the skin of the other, watched the lines that formed on his skin, as they created squares and rectangles, circles and more; like taking a computer board schematic and transferring it onto his skin. When he pushed against his skin it seemed to break, flow apart, disappear, then reform somewhere else. All over his body.

Tattoos flitted over the tanned skin, teasing him with the knowledge of what had happened. No scars had remained but these… runes and other things. Runes that had once been on the Allspark. Ancient writing, a cosmic heritage.

He still felt all the same. He felt touch. Heat and cold. He was sensitive, but it wasn’t his body any more. Not really. Ratchet had mentioned something like neural networks. It had sounded like he was talking about his own kind’s circuitry, not a human nervous system.

Will’s mind was adjusting to the fact that this was not the real him any more, that he was some kind of freak, that he was different.

The former Army Ranger sat up and swung his legs over the bed. He didn't feel a difference in either his limbs or how his body worked -- only when he looked at them and then the difference hit him with a bang. It was like being partially cut off from the world, to feel less than the average human.

Will snorted.

He had stopped being fully human when that shard had speared him.

Rubbing his eyes he grabbed for his pants, pulled them on, then added a shirt and shoes and padded out of the living area. Everything was dark, except Ratchet’s lab area, where the medic was puttering away over something. Lennox had no idea where the others were, but he was thankful for the silence.

Walking out into the night he felt concrete turn to sand under his feet.

It was a nice night. No clouds, the stars were out, and the darkness was like a comfortable blanket. It was a bit cooler than he had expected, but Will didn’t care about minor discomforts. He chose a concrete block and sat down, gazing out over the dark airstrip.

 

 

He didn’t notice the tall, dark mech standing just inside the hangar, blue optics watching him. Lennox was simply lost in thought, trying not to think too much, unable to switch it off completely.

Only when the sun started to rise did he leave his sitting spot and he discovered the silent watcher.

“Hey,” he greeted Ironhide quietly.

“Hey,” was the equally quiet reply.

The optics held a dozen questions, but Lennox couldn’t answer any of them right now. He didn’t know how he felt himself. It was all still too new, too much.

They walked back inside in silence.

 

* * *

 

Lennox jogged past the base and aimed for the abandoned airfield where longer stretches of uninterrupted space were available. His body was wired, sensors hidden under his sweat suit and he knew every movement was transmitted to the lab and recorded.

He had adjusted to his new body much quicker than he had thought it might be possible. He wasn’t freaking when he thought about the changes any more, he had grown used to the glyphs, and he was growing used to people staring at him. His own team was used to a lot of weirdness, but even they drew the line at seeing their commanding officer with runes flowing over his skin. Not that they were his team anyway. Not any more. He had been put on indefinite sick leave.

Lennox snorted. Right. Sick leave. He wasn’t sick! He wasn’t different from before.

Well, not much.

He had the Allspark shard inside him and it did strange things to his organic body. 

The first meeting with John Keller had gone well, more or less. Of course Keller had been briefed on the situation. Of course he had seen images of the changes. Still, seeing it in person… he had stared like the rest of them, though he had hidden it better. Banachek had been there, too. Both had talked with Lennox for a while, then matters were final: he was no longer part of the Army. His status as Major had been turned inactive and he was looking at early retirement with a full pension.

Wonderful.

Lennox jogged past the old side hangar and then turned back toward the base.

No, he wasn’t really all that different aside from the shard. He still felt tired, he felt muscles aching, he felt the air in his lungs. He slept, he needed food, he had to use the shower and the toilet.

That his skin was different, reacted differently. It had tattoos running like living things over it… well, that was not normal. It didn’t hurt. It didn’t really feel like anything. Like looking at some birth mark. No pain, no tingling, no nothing.

Birth mark.

Will snorted to himself as he ran the next mile. It was a birth mark, sure. He had been born as a hybrid that moment. He should have died, but the Allspark had stopped that. Why, was anyone’s guess. For all the time the mechs had studied their sacred cube, they hadn’t turned up with a lot of answers. Well, mostly nothing. A few theories, some tiny revelations, but nothing concrete. Nothing that told Ratchet what the hell had happened to the one human who had been unlucky enough to be in the way of the Allspark shard flying across the room.

 

 

When he returned, Lennox went straight to the lab where he was already expected by Ratchet. Will removed the sensory equipment and placed it into Ratchet’s hand. The mech’s scanners swept over him and it made his skin tingle, but otherwise there was no averse reaction.

"Thanks for the test run, Will."

“You’re welcome. Need anything else?”

“No. I’ll be going through the data now. I’ll let you know if I need more samples.”

Samples. Fun. He felt like one big experiment.

Lennox just nodded and waved, then walked off. Maybe Ironhide was somewhere and in the mood for some time away from the base. Lennox sure was.

 

* * *

 

There was no waking up.

Not a real waking anyway.

One moment there was nothing, the next he was conscious. No in-between phase, no confusion. He was... online.

What the hell had happened? Why was he here? Why had he been… asleep? Unconscious?

Lennox was confused, but on a different level. He knew what was around him, he heard it all.

Soft voices, both human and robot.

He actually felt something as well.

Cold metal under his fingers...

He opened his eyes and instead of being blinded by the light he adjusted to it.

He turned his head. Someone stepped into his view as he was about to say something and he identified Ratchet.

"Will? How do you feel?"

Lennox frowned. "Okay," he said slowly. "No different... maybe a bit more, uhm, sensitive. But otherwise, just fine. What happened?"

Ratchet nodded. "Good. I will run a check on the whole system now that you are awake."

“Ratchet? What the hell happened?”

“Ironhide called. You underwent some kind of… episode and lost consciousness.”

“Episode?” Lennox frowned.

“You and Ironhide were running a battle game, or so he told me. He shouldn’t have strained your systems, Will. We still don’t know what happened to you and something like this should have been under supervision.”

The frown deepened. “I was under supervision. Ironhide was there.”

Ratchet met his angry eyes calmly. “No offence to Ironhide, but he is not a medically trained mech. Your condition is still widely unknown and the results from my tests are inconclusive as to what has happened to you…”

“No offence to you, Ratchet, but that’s been a fact for months now! I’m okay, okay? If something happens, it happens. You can’t just lock me up and wait for me to blip! I have a life!”

“Will..”

He slipped off the examination bed and caught his fall easily. Somehow he wasn’t surprised. A lot wasn’t surprising any more. His body was… changing.

“I know, I know. Allspark inside me. Cool. I’m living with this and so should you! I don’t need you as my constant baby-sitter.”

Ratchet lowered himself to be more on eyelevel, then unfolded what looked like a Cybertronian-style mirror from his forearm. “Look,” he only said quietly.

Will followed the ‘order’ and froze. “Oh. My. God…” he stammered.

Strangely metallic looking skin, faintly silver. Runes covering his… naked?... form. They flowed lazily over his arms and chest, ornate and mysterious, slowing down until he looked like someone had body-painted the Allspark pattern on him. Will splayed his hands over his chest, running palms over the skin, feeling no different than before but looking… so totally weird.

And his eyes… were blue.

“W-what…?”

“That’s what you looked like when Ironhide brought you in. My scans can’t penetrate you. It’s like trying to pierce the surface of the Allspark.”

Ratchet sounded almost in awe and Lennox felt something inside him gnash its teeth in anger. He wasn’t some mysterious cosmic cube on legs!

“Ironhide said you were training. He was teaching you how to evade enemy fire, but suddenly you changed… shape… and collapsed.”

Will closed his eyes and tried to remember. He only drew a complete blank.

“Now what?” he asked tonelessly.

“Now we see if it is permanent.”

Oh fuck…

 

* * *

 

He did change back. It took the rest of the day and only when his emotions calmed down did his appearance normalize. Ratchet found it intriguing, Lennox was simply unnerved. Enough to take a longer time out.

His men, former men, he corrected himself, had kept out of his way, and even Epps had only visited briefly. Lennox had seen it in his friend’s eyes that the skin freaked him. Badly. Looking at himself had only drawn moderate reactions. He was more fascinated than close to a nervous breakdown. He felt good, almost fantastic, he was alive and still had two arms and legs, a nose and eyes. He could feel and talk and think… he just appeared to be covered in spray paint from another planet. But even when he reverted back, the runes stayed. They had become a constant companion.

Lennox packed a military issue back pack with everything an Army Ranger needed to rough it for a few days, took one of the jeeps, told Epps to keep an eye on things, and left. Optimus Prime didn’t even try to hold him back and whatever the Autobot leader had told Ratchet, the medic didn’t either.

Being on his own put a few things into perspective. Setting up his tent, cooking gear and starting a controlled camp fire was rather soothing on his nerves. Not even the single rune that was lazily whirling around his wrist changed that.

Will sat down on the ground and watched the fire for a while, then raised the hand with the rune. It was actually quite calming and the rune was… nice. He had no idea what it meant, but it wasn’t some freaky tattoo. He touched it with the finger of the other hand and it seemed to twist around the digit, then tear free and dive back into the depth of his skin.

Wow.

 

As the sun set, Lennox had found his calm. It had always worked quickly. Out in Qatar he hadn’t had camping spots, but there had been places where an hour meant the world. Out here, the hour was longer, the situation was different. There was no rush, no danger. Just himself and the Allspark.

Lennox chuckled.

A soft beep alerted him to an incoming call. Will picked up his com unit and smiled as he saw the ID.

“Hey,” he greeted the caller.

“Lennox,” Ironhide rumbled. “Just checking.”

“I’m fine, Mom.”

Ironhide huffed. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I just need some time-out.”

Get in touch with my new self. Gawd, he sounded like one of those esoterics.

“Alone?”

Now there was a blatantly obvious undercurrent in that one word. Lennox shook his head with fond exasperation. He scanned the darkness and thought he could make out a dark lump not far away.

“You here?” he wanted to know.

“Would you want me to be?”

“Damn, Ironhide, don’t go all shrink on me, okay? You out there?”

There was a low rumble coming from the distance, then the unmistakable sound of a transformation. Blue optics shone out of the darkness and the heavy steps sent little tremors through the ground.

Ironhide looked down at him, then lowered himself into a sitting position.

“Now you’re following me? You my baby-sitter for the night?” Lennox asked, feeling rather tired, and it had nothing to do with physical exhaustion.

“No.”

“So Ratchet didn’t send you to keep an eye on the precious Allspark carrier?” There was more acid in his voice than he wanted to, but things were coming out that had been boiling inside of him.

“No,” Ironhide repeated, optics narrowing. “Ratchet’s not my commanding officer, Will. Neither are you in custody.”

“I feel like it. Like some rogue experiment from Sector Seven.”

The mech rumbled, sounding like an angry cat.

“I don’t even know if I’m human any more,” Lennox muttered.

The optics regarded him silently. Ironhide was almost merging with the darkness, only a few of the lighter metal parts reflecting the meager light. The huge mech shifted a little and Will had known him long enough to recognize Ironhide when he was uncomfortable with a topic. He just shook his head with a derisive laugh and got up.

“Forget it. Wrong topic.” One hand waved erratically. “You have no idea what this means, being a mechanoid and all. You probably think I’m the next best thing to finding the Allspark. I AM the Allspark for all you care! I’m this damned piece of cosmic debris that landed on my planet and started an avalanche of events! I’m your most revered object! Ratchet treats me like I’m about to spew up sparks and turn something into a transforming robot! If you guys had the means you’d probably take me to Cybertron and wait for me to revive your planet, right?! I’m not! I don’t want to be! I told Optimus and I’m telling you!”

Will furiously rounded on the weapons specialist who hadn’t said a single word so far. He was only watching. He flung out his arms, breathing hard.

“You know what? Maybe the changes get me to a point where I want to be just that: an object! Because I’m still changing! Because I’m no longer human! I’m a fucking freak!”

A huge hand suddenly snatched him, almost knocking the wind out of him. Lennox was lifted eye-level and Ironhide regarded him solemnly.

“You are human, Will Lennox. Never say you aren’t.”

“I’m half Allspark! Maybe more!”

“No.”

“How about you ask Ratchet to work on your scanners then? Because they aren’t working correctly!”

Lennox tried to jump off the hand, but Ironhide folded his thumb toward his palm, pinning him gently.

“I’m not big on philosophy,” the mech said gravely. “I’m not big on psych pep talk. All I know is that being human is more than what your body tells you you are. Sam is still human, right?”

“That’s different!”

Lennox pushed at the thumb. Runes flitted over his skin and he hissed in anger at the blatantly obvious signs of his changes. He slumped back against the fingers behind him.

“You are human, Will,” Ironhide repeated. “And I don’t revere you. You’re my friend, shard or no shard. I also don’t think you have the power to bring my planet back to life. Cybertron is dying or dead. I accepted that. Of course I wish I could change that fact. I can’t. I can only fight for this world, for your people. What happened to you… I regret I wasn’t able to protect you. I will protect you now, though.”

“From myself?” Lennox said quietly.

“If I have to.”

Will rested his hands against the thumb pinning him down. His eyes were on the runes.

“Can you read this?” he asked and raised a hand.

“No. It looks like the ancient texts, but few of us really studied them.”

“You guys don’t just download things like that?”

“Why don’t you download other languages?” Ironhide asked in return. “Or flight manuals? How to operate a nuclear fusion reactor? Fly a space ship?”

“Because we don’t download,” was the exasperated reply. “It takes time to study all that.”

“And for us it takes up processor space. It would be clotting my systems. It’s knowledge I don’t need. Like the scientist never needed to know how to take apart, clean out and put together a Hyperion Class gun.”

Lennox sighed. “Okay. Understood. And you never downloaded psychology courses, huh?”

“No. No need.”

“Right.”

Ironhide leaned in closer, the blue optics intense. “You are not the Allspark, Will Lennox. You are human. My friend.”

“A freak.”

“Different,” the mech corrected him. He raised the thumb and let Lennox sit up.

“How different am I to your sensors?”

Ironhide regarded him thoughtfully. “Depends. When you’re pissed off or don’t want to be scanned, you can block us. Right now…? I can easily scan you. You appear human.”

“Block you, huh? Cool.”

That got Lennox a chuckle. “It has Ratchet thrown in a loop.”

Ironhide lowered him back to the ground and Lennox slid off the palm. He was human. To many. Just not to himself. Not really. His life had changed dramatically and nothing on this Earth could explain it. Not even something of Cybertron. He was stumping two very different cultures with his existence.

Great.

“Will?”

“Hm?”

“Stop thinking about what you might be,” Ironhide said softly. “Be who you are.”

“Sounds deep.”

“Keeps you alive in battle. No mech survives on illusions or fantasies. You can only use your potential and go from there. Learn about your skills. Develop what you are.”

“You volunteering?”

Ironhide chuckled. “Training you? I’ll kick your ass, Lennox.”

“We’ll see,” Will laughed. “I might just kick yours.”

“My pleasure.” Blue optics sparked with amusement.

Lennox lay onto the sleeping back, staring into the night sky. He didn’t feel cold. He wondered if it was something else about him that had changed.

XOXOXO

 

Ironhide watched his friend fall asleep and his scanners ran over the prone human form. Human. Still very much human. Will Lennox was an organic and therefore not a mechanoid or even what humans called a cyborg. Whatever he looked like on the outside, the systems underneath the changed appearance were the same.

Now that Lennox was relaxing, sleeping, scanners were able to penetrate deeply. He could probably learn to shield himself against these invasions in time. A lot would probably change in time.

Ironhide swore to himself that he would be there. He hadn’t been able to prevent the accident, but maybe he could be more of a protector now. Will would skin him alive, as the humans said, if he found out about that particular thought.

And then kick his ass.

Ironhide smiled briefly to himself, then settled back for the night. Keeping his scanners on Will, as well as on the surrounding landscape – it paid to be vigilant – he let himself fall into a light recharge mode.


End file.
